1. Wake up at 9 am or even later.
2. Take a shower
3. Eat breakfast
4. Go online
5. Eat lunch
   
6. Watch movie streaming on the internet
7. Take a nap
8. Wake up at 7 pm
9. Eat dinner
10. Go online
11. Sleep at 10 pm
12. And at the meantime : texting

That pic above was totally not me. But I'm as depressed as her, though. Now I am wondering about a small little thing I shouldn't have in the first place. But I just can't stand to hold it back forever. I need to spill it out of my system. You know what? What is actually the sense of waiting if we don't know what's left to wait anymore? Why should we wait for it when we know it won't come? Am I in love with him or am I addicted to the pain I always feel when I'm in a one-sided-love?

You know what? You always say you hate it when I got hurt, you always say you hate to see me cry. So all of these times that you hurt me, did you close your eyes?

It is so sad. No matter what you do, or say, or talk behind my back, if you come running back to me when you need me ever again I'll always be there. No questions were asked at all. Sad isn't it? Because maybe for me, you're a person who is so amazing that I can always forget how bad you've hurt me before.

I'm so sorry I shouldn't have talked like that behind your back. But please, can't you understand me? How bad you've been treating me for so long? Now I'm not even sure if I ♥ You or not. Just as much as I doubt if You ♥ Me or not. I'm just not sure.

I read Adit's post in his blog about an article called "Love Is Not Always Has Been Formed Flowers" and I cried. Those tears falling was not for those dreamy articles they wrote. Those tears falling was not for the intense romance they made up. Those tears falling was for my fault. I realize that was my fault, too. I questioned his love for me just because he didn't show it. I know that was kinda unfair. But I'm always mesmerized every time I thought he would disappoint me which turned out he didn't. When I thought he did nothing, he was doing something FOR ME. Silently.

It's just... I'm tired to always have to pretend that I know what he's been thinking about me. I'm DESPERATE to know the truth inside that head! I can't keep on guessing his feeling. I can't keep on gambling. I can't keep on expecting. But I can and I will keep learning to trust him.

I want to be there when you're worn out, when you gave up, when you are overwhelmed, when YOU need ME. Until when are you going to hide it away? Don't be afraid to show your face to me and put off that awful little mask you always put on in front of me. Just say it and I'll come. Am I giving enough? What makes you so afraid to come close? You know that I want you say it. I need you say it.

I know, I'm so so so so so sorry... I love you, always have, always will :)

~V~

Labels: bored, crazy talk

Labels: crazy talk

• I managed to connect my phone GPRS and WAP all by myself (yay!)
• I managed to chat by using my cellphone (yay yay!)
• I master reset my phone and set a new phone lock code all by myself (yay yay yay!)
• I managed to synchronise my phone time with GMT+7 (yay yay yay yay!)
• I found Jason Mraz official blog! (GRAND YAY!!!!!)
  

Labels: bored, crazy talk, daily life

Labels: bored, crazy talk, daily life

Labels: bored, crazy talk

Labels: crazy talk, daily life

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale. I'm not the one you sweep off her feet lead up on the stairwell..

I should've known or at least been strong enough from the very beginning. I should've not expected anything in the first place. I should've not torturing my own self-strength. I shouldn't have exist in the first place. At least, not here.

I never knew that one little thing could hurt me like this. I never knew that the word 'friend' could hurt me as much as this time. I thought I was strong enough. Now, I end up with myself crying out my fate. And his. Ours.

That just makes me wonder. What if Romeo and Juliet weren't die? Will they be able to move on and still being called the eternal couple? What if Cinderella decided not to show herself up to the Prince? Will Cinderella regret it? What if Prince gave up on finding Aurora? Will Aurora forgive him? What if fate wasn't by Belle's side? Was nothing really better than something? Humm... What if the Frog Prince said to the Princess that they weren't meant for each other because they don't have enough time?

... and what if our fate is not what our heart wants? Will heart still be the one you can always trust? Or will life come to play around? I don't know, ironically...

I just don't think nothing is really better than something bad. At least something bad is still SOMETHING instead nothing. If you happen to read this, please.. Just don't think like the way you did. But you know what? Who the heck I think I am? Who am I to judge you on what you decide? I'll appreciate your decision the most. You know I will. It's just that... If I were you, I wouldn't say that ^^

I did that mistake once, I won't repeat that again. I don't want you to have to feel what I felt through that hole. That was exhausting. But if you think that's for the best, then maybe I'm just the idiot...

~V~

Labels: crazy talk, daily life, sad

I tried to find a good picture, or at least something good enough to represent what I'm gonna post today. But somehow I can't find it. And that just made me realize that 'farewell' is not something you can really describe. A situation with the undescribable athmosphere which pushes your eyes to start watering (-.-)

Humm it's not what I'm really afraid of in my life *or so I think*. My mother once or twice said to me that "You have to be ready to lose something right at the moment you found it. You have to be ready to say a person goodbye just right at the moment you two met each other". But I guess talking is just a lot more easier than doing it.

Tomorrow will be the last day I'll see some of my friends. And that really bugged me too much. I should've been immune to this kind of thing, ryt? Lyk I've gone through this thing for hundred times. 

And along with that, I'll gone through a one week training of something I can't tell you. Humm I bet it is going to be so difficult as hell.

Another thing to be discussed ya...

Hey, I don't know what you guys are talking behind my back and everything. I don't know what's all the fussing about. I don't know what is it with all the drama. All I want to say is just that IT'S SADLY NOT AS DRAMATIC AS WHAT YOU GUYS HAVE MADE UP ALL THIS LONG!!! I know the news is lyk everywhere and idk! It's just... can't you please just take care of your own effin business? So much with the drama alright? IT'S TOO MUCH! IT'S ENOUGH! Damn I'd rather not being talked about at all. Sigh.. guys believe me it's not the real fact. Just quit fantasizing and enter reality for our own's sake!

And guys, I believe I'll miss this school so much later when we graduate. High School year is unlike any other.

It won't hit you when you wake up for your last first day of school. It won't hit you as you walk into the locker for the first time as an official student. It won't hit you when you got dismissed unappropriately by all those security guards. It won't hit you as you got betrayed by your very own teachers. It won't hit you as you enter the floor to perform your best for the last time. It won't hit you as you fill out the countless universities applications. It won't hit you as you write that generic essay letter that you try to use for all your applications. It won't hit you as your old friends return for a reunion and give you all their advice. It won't hit you as you celebrate New Year's with the friends you have known since childhood. It won't hit you when you fight against that damned authority and cry your eyes out!

You won't feel it when you are having the time of your life at your last 1 month break. You don't realize it during Sabbatical skip day, when everyone, no matter what group you are in, has a 'picnic'. When May finally comes around and you realize that it is your last Prom (farewell party), but you don't really feel it when you are there having the time of your life.

You begin to realize it at Graduation when you look around and realize that you will never see half of these people again. You will begin to see it more over MOS week in universities when everyone is getting their classmates, class schedules, and going to orientation.

It still hasn't fully hit you when you are sitting in your room packing up the past 18 years of your life, laughing with your best friend about all the stupid stuff you've done. You might feel it the morning you leave for university as that it is the last time you will see your room, your parents, and your best friend for like 3 months or more. It will finally hit you when you are sitting in your dorm room with a perfect stranger, that you have to live with for the next year.

So now I realize and regret. Please, Please, PLEASE make every moment of your High School year count, you only get to do it once. University will be a lot of fun, but in the meantime, jump at every opportunity you get to do anything that you have ever wanted to do. Spend as much time with friends as possible, for it will NOT be long until you meet new people and inevitably grow apart.

~V~

Labels: bored, crazy talk, daily life

Hoi hoi... today I went to UI Depok Campus (bukan gue sih, angkatan gue, to be precise). Nah, dugaan gue di sana bakalan panas, ngebelin, ngebosenin, ga penting dan lain lain. Dan ternyataaaa... it turned out to be... TRUE!!

Fieldtrip kali ini sama sekali ga bikin pinter, ga bikin seneng, ga bikin fun, ga bikin wawasan nambah. Lyk I can't see the whole thing on the web deh (-.-) Terus yaaa.. gini ceritanya

Pertama kali tiba di sana, di UI, kita jalan ke Balai Sidang. Disana dijelasin gimana caranya masuk UI dan laen laen ditambahin jayusan dari om-omnya gitu wakakkak, terus ketemu sama tante tante yang ngomongnya kea pemandu wisata anak ECY! Wakakakak.. Terus diberi pesan kalo mau sukses masuk UI lo mesti jalan kaki dari Serpong sampe UI dan itu kinda JAYUS (-.-)

Habis itu kita naik bis lagi ke Fakultas Teknik UI, di sana kita bersenang-senang tertawa-tawa walaupun bosan. Dan YAY gue dapet souvenir dari sana ada pulpennya gitu. Terus karena warnanya oren, gue sama Agnes maksa mo tuker sama yang warna pink (or purple?) dan dikasih! Wakakaakk mantap! Kita abis itu diajak keliling-keliling fakultas itu, sampe cape kepanasan lepek laper gitu.

Nah balik dari situ kita makan, dan lalu ke FMIPA UI! Sumpah mampus gue bener-bener NGGAK MAU MASUK FAKULTAS ITU! Anjrit! Baru dateng ajaa belom apa-apa uda ada dosen yang sok galak tai babi kea apaan tau sok-sok dibutuhin penjelasannya gitu. Terus songong setenga mampus. Mana idiot banget gatau apa bahasa indonesianya soft skills. ANEH! FRIK!

Gue ga tau what happened in the other departments, but surely, Chemistry Department was like hell (-.-). Itu tuh ya udah kea warehouse aja. Kelas ditengah jalan, with literally no air. uda gitu diujung ruangan ada ac rusak ditumpuk-tumpuk sampe atep lantai satu. Akhirnya gue berasumsi : Pengurusnya kapok beli ac karena rusak terus, jadi anak-anaknya dibiarin mati kepanasan. 

Lalu kita di bawa naik ke lab yang uda kea set film horror, uda kea pabrik gitu. Pokoknya satu kata: MEMPRIHATINKAN! Anjrit gue masuk sana si bisa ga lulus gue ga konsen belajar. Bukannya sombong atau apa2, kalo kea fakultas teknik gitu, walaupun fasilitas seadanya tapi nyaman. Lah ini????!!!! Kea GUDANG!

Terus finally kita pulang. YAY!

Dan ada pr. Gajadi yay (-.-)

~V~

Labels: another day in Binus, daily life, hari yang aneh

Hi hi again :D

Humm... let's see what do we got here. I'm currently doing nothing at my school and actually have no reason to go there at all. Humm but I got the final result of my term test, and here they listed below:

Chemistry 72, Biology 89.5, Bahasa Indonesia 83, Physics 82, English 93, Math 78.3. History I didn't take a look yet. hahahha

Anyway some of them were way below my expectation, but then maybe I should look into myself again and measure up again if I am capable enough or not. Some of them (like physics) was just way above my expectation. Since by some miracles, I got above 0! ~lol

But the problem I'm having ryt now isn't really about the scores, since I am a type of person who will manage to get up from even the darkest abyss (lebai i know). Now my handphone, my dearest handphone, my beloved handphone... can't receive any sms (-.-) due to *as what the cs said* the network problem. Sigh...

Yayayaya whatever. I can't blame no one, tho. Yup let's just let everything goes the way it should be. I heard everything had planed and decided way before today, ryt?

~V~

Labels: another day in Binus, daily life

Well, this is my second year (almost third) in Binus School Serpong which is my so-called high school. I don't know if it is safe for me to write (or type) here, but yes, I do really bothered with the people inside. Usually I don't really care about what people feel like to say about me. I don't get easily affected by the opinion the had said. However, I just found out that these people here loves to gossip. 

Yea, I won't lie, I dislike being gossiped to. I hate awkward moments when I saw innocent faces but I actually know they were talking about me behind. They're just... making me confused and question on what should I do about that. Lyk, they don't know who I am, then why talking?? And I hate to say this but they've got pretty awesome things made up ~lol

At first I was like... 'okay, that's not totally true and why bothered?'. But you know what? As far as I being told, they said gossip will go away as you ignore it. But look! It's NOT going away (-.-) It eventually became worsened and worsened and worsened. Ew...

I like to watch gossip girl (okay a lil' bit outta topic), but.. duh! All she said were facts, but this? You guys are lyk talking trash out there and don't even bothered with the real fact which is (sadly) not as awesome as those you guys have made up a scene with!

But tell me... Would you rather being gossiped or never being talked about at all? ~lol

~V~

Labels: another day in Binus, crazy talk, daily life

Hai hai hai... Humm yesterday was chemisty term test and the day before, gue 'belajar' bersama di rumah Andrew. Isinya yang cewe ada gue, agnes, keshia, cahya, rheta. Yang cowo ada Andrew (iyalah), denny, dzimar, jong, ais, ote, gedu, deha. Sisanya gue lupa! Ahahahaha.. And it turned out to be.................... I FLUNK AT CHEMISTRY (0_0)

Humm setelah flunked at chemitry ituu gue pulang. Kapok ga mau belajar sama-sama di ruma Andrw lagi, orang ga belajar! Ahahahaha, terus gue di ruma belajar FISIKA! Boooo after all of this time, gue akhirnya belajar fisika di rumah! That was a major achievement lho buat gue :D Anyway, gue belajar dan tadi, TADI... setelah sekkian lama semua itu berakhir. And you know what? I can't believe how much fear I had when I was 10 to something called math, and now it was like sooo a piece of cake. Bukannya sombong, tapi jujur deh yaaa anak Binus. Ngerian math apa chemistry physics sih? Hahahaha...

YAY! Besok tinggal math dan my mind is full of physics formulas. BAGUS! Just when it is neede (-.-)

Oh iya! Tadii dikasitauin nilai Biology, dan gue dapet 89.5 (-.-) ARGH! Yaudahlah sudah berlalu. Sebel deh Bio ngejelekin rata-rata banget :( 

Ahahahhaha sudahah mo refreshing dolo sambil menghilangkan sejenak memory fisika. Yah, another week had passed, and I'm just getting closer to what is called a reality :(

~V~

Labels: another day in Binus, daily life

Labels: another day in Binus, crazy talk, daily life

GUE

SAYANG

MRAZ.

Period.

~V~

Labels: crazy talk

Jreng.. ternyata posting-postingan notes di fesbuk jadi semakin terkenal di kalangan guru-guru dan yeah.. menjadi masalah.

Akhirnya diputuskan untuk membuat wadah kekesalan anak-anak binus yang tanpa sensor, tanpa tata krama, dan tanpa intipan guru-guru. Apa itu bentuknya? NGGAK TAU wakakkak.

Second problem!!!

Gue nggak tau sejak kapan yang satu ini jadi masalah buat gue, tapi sejak tadi jam 3an gitu gue tiba-tiba jadi sangat amat teramat menyesal sekali sudah melewatkan Java Jazz 2009 ini. Dengan alasan term test. Did I lose my mind??? Parah banget dah. GUE NGGAK NONTON MRAZ! Ya Tuhaaannn ini cobaan apalagi dah. Akhirnya gue buka-buka official websitenya Java Jazz dan makin pengeeeenn....

Bayangkan, di sana ada Mraz, ada Swing Out Sister, ada Brian McKnight, ada RAN, ada Glen! Argh! Sumpah gue rela lah berpanas-panasan demi hal ituuuu! Gilaaaaa!! Mau banget banget banget banget banget ke sana.... Tau ah stres dah gue depresi :(

Dan barusan, barusan aja gue chat sama temen gue.. Dia bilang DIA MEMBERIKAN DENGAN CUMA-CUMA DAILY PASS JAVA JAZZ punya dia untuk random people soalnya dia ga dapet tiket Mraz. Sumpaaaahhhhh kasih gue ajaaaaaaa sumpah laahhh huwa...

Labels: crazy talk, daily life

humm hari ini gue term test loh... ihihii dan gue masih dengan santainya berasa liburan. Bukan gimana-gimana sih, tapi seru aja ulangan satu doang BI pula (ihihi no offense)! Tapi tahukah apa yang terjadi? (-.-)

Jam 6.30 gue jalan (berangkat yaaa bukan walk) dari rumah, berhubung gue naek jemputan dan entah gimana sekarang new exam protocol kalo telat masuk nilai term test kita di deduct sekian persen gitu. Setibanya gue di sekolah, gue langsung bergegas buru-buru ke kelas 8A yang untuk beberapa hari ini akan jadi kelas gue. Ternyataaa.. tau apa? kelasnya DIKUNCI. Ternyata new exam protocol bahwa kita ga boleh masuk kelas sebelum jam 7.15. Duh! Lo kira masi jaman nyiapin contekan di kolong meja? Pas exam? Nggak deh kayaknyaaa...

Kemudian gue tunggu di depan sama anak-anak yang laen NGEMPER di koridor. Gila, sekolah yang sangatlah bermoral. Yaudah. Tiba-tiba dateng teman gue berinisial S, bilang eh new exam protocol bukannya ga boleh pake sepatu sendal? Argh tar di deduct lagi... Bodo amat kali ini gue kacangin karena ga mungkin gue pulang ke rumah ambil sepatu lagi sih yaa males banget.

Akhirnya proctornya dateng dan mempersilakan kita masuk. Dan meja gue paling depan. Hih.. Yaudah since ini cuma BI, gue laksanakan. Terus selama 2 menit si proctor membacakan new exam protocol dan kita dengerin, lalu gue ditegur. Kenapa? Karena gue bawa stabilo ke meja gue. Ternyata, new exam protocol hanya mengijinkan gue bawa pensil penghapus pulpen. Titik.

Yaudah, dengan perasaan bete gue menghabiskan reading time selama sepuluh menit sesuai dengan new exam protocol. Bodohnya gue, setelah gue mengisi dan melingkari jawaban pg gue sampe nomer 29 (out of 30), gue baru sadar bahwa ada tulisan begini di depan

"berikan tanda silang (X) untuk jawaban yang kamu anggap benar, dan beri tanda lingkaran (O) untuk jawaban yang salah, lalu silanglah jawaban akhir yang kamu anggap benar"

JRENG JRENG!!!!! Mampus gue! berarti dari tadi gue masih keitung belom menjawab. Sementara kalo gue kasih tanda X  lagi kan dianggap jawaban salah. Lalu setelah proctor mengklarifikasikan dengan Mr. R, katanya ternyata boleh. Phew..

Yay semua selesai, dan gue pulang-pulang buka facebook. Facebook jadi makin penuh dengan caci maki terhadap sekolahku yang tidak kucinta, juga terhadap 'guru-guru' disana.

Hahahaha sepertinya bukan cuma gue yah yang memusuhi semua staff. Awalnya cuma accop. eh virusnya merebak jadi epidemi berbahaya ihihihi

~V~

Labels: another day in Binus, crazy talk, daily life

Humm.. besok term test. And I guess I know the reason why this term test feels so absolutely gloomy and all. I don't even feel like studying (secara besok term test BI doang), but I just can't focus my mind on something aside from 'that'. Maybe my friend was right. I need a time mourning for 'that' thing, and I just need it for no reason. 

Let's begin the countdown. It is hard to move on when you know each day passed by means 'that' thing will get even closer to you. Like this:

I stay
To watch you fade away
I dream of you tonight
Tomorrow you’ll be gone
It gives me time to stay
To watch you fade away
I dream of you tonight
Tomorrow you’ll be gone
I wish my God you’d stay

I stay awake
I stay awake and watch you breathe
I stay awake and watch you fly
Away into the night
Escaping through a dream

Whenever I tried to manage my brain and take control, I always remember that somehow, with each second I wasted, that was not even mine to waste.. And that really loosen my studying mood.

Lalala... and who is he? That's one secret I'll never tell.. I know I love him, xoxo..

~V~

Labels: another day in Binus, bored, daily life, ngantuk

Humm, I actually want to write about something else, but then I thought this special thing is worth a special post.

Beberapa waktu yang lalu, Jerry, JJ and Rudolph were making a short movie about global warming and stuff, and they put it up for a competition from Indosat. 

But now, everyone is talking, the news is spreading that they win the competition and got Rp 10 million PLUS a LAPTOP (-.-) ARGHHH!!!! Pengen abis! Tee hee..

Yup yup yup congratulations for all of you guys, and yet the movie is very very good (^^)

Again, CONGRATULATION FOR DEXTER THE REMINDER!

Labels: congratulations

I don't know if i lost my mind or what (atau mungkin sedang dece), but honestly I really can't believe what I am feeling ryt now. I should be happy for some reasons, but I am sad. Utterly sad and am in the deepest cave of sorrow <-- bwakakak lebay abis!

Err I know I'm starting my term test two days from now, so, may the game begins!I know I won't post some postings in a few days (or a week), I want to share this feeling of mine through a song. And yes, since I know this blog is not really THAT famous as youtube or facebook, so I don't think I'll have trouble with this little thing. 

Humm ya, ini soal sekolah gue, dan gue tulis pake bahasa Indo in case, IN CASE... kepala sekola gue sadar gitu sekolahnya blangsak! Bukannya gue ngga menghormati mereka atau apa ya, tapi satu yang pengen gue bilang yaaa INI TUH BUKAN SEKOLAH! INI NERAKA DENGAN DINDING WARNA-WARNI!! Dan kalo menurut lo (kepala sekolah) kita cuma mesin duit, yaudah! Kita mo menjembatani perbedaan sekolah dengan murid dengan Student Council, tapi kalo itu juga lo ga kasih jalan yaudah! Lo yang memposisikan diri lo sendiri sebagai our enemies instead of allies kan?! YAUDAH!! Lo ngajak ribut duluan ya kita ladenin lah! Busuk lo dasar! BLANGSAK!!

Okay anyway enough with the drama, emang GUE SALAH PILIH SEKOLAH, dan gue TERLALU TABAH, I know. Tapi yaaa high school sucks (that everyone knows). Because if we go to school to learn, and knowledge is power and power is corrupt and corruption is crime and crime doesn't pay then why the hell do we go to school?! Just because someone tells you that you can't do something doesn't mean you have to listen. Dan BUAT SIAPA AJA YANG NGERASA... I wish you would quit telling me I can do anything I want. I never thought I couldn't. And yet, Ibelieve I do have a better memory than you do yaaa bweee...

Second problem is... I don't think I can tell it out loud but then here's a song:

The Day You Went Away - M2M

Well I wonder could it be 
When I was dreaming 'bout you baby you were dreaming of me
Call me crazy call me blind
To still be suffering is stupid after all of this time

Did I lose my love to someone better
And does she love you like I do
I do you know I really really do

Well hey so much I need to say 
Been lonely since the day
The day you went away
So sad but true
For me there's only you 
Been lonely since the day
The day you went away 

Oh whoa .... yeah... oh...ooh...

I remember date and time
September twenty-second Sunday twenty-five after nine
In the doorway with your case
No longer shouting at each other 
There were tears on our faces

And we were letting go of something special
Something we'll never have again 
I know, I guess I really really know

Well hey so much I need to say 
Been lonely since the day
The day you went away
So sad but true
For me there's only you 
Been crying since the day
The day you went away 
The day you went away
The day you went away

Oh whoa .... yeah oh

Did I lose my love to someone better
And does she love you like I do
I do you know I really really do

Well hey so much I need to say 
Been lonely since the day
The day you went away
So sad but true
For me there's only you 
Been crying since the day
The day you went away 

Why do we never know what we've got till it's gone 
How could I carry on 
The day you went away
Cause I've been missing you so much I had to say
Been crying since the day
The day you went away

The day you went away
The day you went away

Labels: another day in Binus, bored, crazy talk, daily life, ngantuk

Sepertinya baru a couple days ago gue mulai serius belajar for term 3. Tapi sekarang tau-tau udah term 4 aja. Sekarang sih, seperti biasa, menjelang term test itu BUANYAAAKKK banget tugas-tugas mulai dari yang penting sampe yang kaga penting.

Anyway, gue seneng banget besok cuma ada peer kimia. Huff... Bobo dulu ah ngantuk >.<

And today's quote will be :

"When I was four years old they tried to test my IQ, they showed me this picture of three oranges and a pear. They asked me which one is different and does not belong, they taught me different was wrong."

~V~

Labels: another day in Binus, daily life, ngantuk